Towers of Power

True Story

Since we arrived in Alaska, my cell phone only rings once or twice, short rings at that.  Then the caller goes to voicemail.  In other words, I can't receive phone calls.  I'm just not that fast any longer.

I've called Verizon several times without result.  Today I learned something new.

[The Short Version]
"My phone doesn't ring properly since I arrived in Alaska."

"I'm sorry sir.  You must connect to one of our Verizon towers to reset your phone programming."

"I haven't found any Verizon towers.  I'm always roaming.  Do you have towers in Alaska?"

"One moment sir....Are you near Kansas?  Or Toronto?

Kansas?  Kansas?

"Yes, sir, the state of Kansas."

Which explains why some of your calls don't go through.

Not So True Story
Approaching the Alaska-Kansas Border

"Now remember, we're just passing through, on vacation."

Border Guard:  "Good Afternoon, sir.  Passports please."

Us:  "Certainly.  Here you are."

"Do you have any fruits or vegetables or pets?"

"Just Clancy, our Australian Terrier."

"That's fine then.  What is your reason for entering Kansas today?"

"We're just passing through.  We're taking Clancy to see his home in Australia."

"Fine, fine.  Australia is just a few hours east of here."

"Then we're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz."

"OK, don't give me that fairy tale.  Step out of the truck, nice and easy now."

"Is there something wrong Officer?"

"Hold on now.  Give me those cell phones."

"Cell phones?"

"Just as I thought.  You're roaming, aren't you?"

"Oh no.  Are we roaming?  I didn't notice!"

"Don't hand me that.  You want to connect to our Verizon cell towers, don't you?  And you couldn't find Toronto!"

"All right, I admit it.  Please!  Please!!"
[Breaks into song, of course.]
Oh give me a Home where I don't need to Roam,
Where I'll make and receive calls all day.
Where voices I'll hear on a signal so clear,
And I don't throw my minutes away.

Home, home....

"Shut up!  Same old song.  You make me sick."

"But, but...."

"Turn this RV around.  Go back to Alaska."

"No!  No!!"

"Yes!  And leave Clancy with us."

"But why?"

"He doesn't wear a cell phone.  He's a watch dog."

Bruce